What if the example you’ve been waiting for is actually you?
There’s a particular kind of frustration that comes from trying to build something you haven’t seen modeled for you.
Maybe you’re the first woman in your family to start a business.
Or you’re starting over in your 40s, 50s, or beyond.
Maybe nobody around you has built the kind of business you want.
Or you’ve spent years looking at women who seem to have it all figured out and wondering:
How did she do that?
But here’s something I want you to consider:
You don’t always need to find the example. Sometimes you’re being called to become the example.
And that doesn’t mean becoming some polished, perfect, six-figure business genius with a color-coded life.
Thank God.
It means being willing to let people see you figure it out, make decisions, learn, adjust, grow, and keep going.
Because somebody is watching.
The Problem: We Underestimate the Power of Seeing Someone Like Us Do It
When you’re trying to do something new, information matters.
But sometimes, possibility matters just as much.
It’s one thing to hear someone tell you that starting a business after 40 is possible.
It’s another thing to see a woman actually do it.
And to be honest, it’s another thing to hear that you can change careers.
Watching someone reinvent herself can be mind-blowing.
It’s one thing to hear that you can raise your prices, create boundaries, build a personal brand, or turn your expertise into an offer.
It’s another thing to see someone who looks, sounds, or lives more like you doing it.
Psychological research on social learning has long shown that people learn by observing others. We don’t only learn from instructions. We learn by watching behavior in action.
Just a Thought: That’s why representation matters.
Not because every person needs someone exactly like them to succeed.
But because seeing someone else do something can help turn an abstract possibility into something that feels real.
And the numbers show there is still a visibility gap.
According to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace 2025 report, women represented just 29% of C-suite roles, despite making up 48% of entry-level employees in the companies studied.
And the gap starts earlier.
For every 100 men promoted from entry-level positions to manager, only 93 women were promoted—and that number dropped to 74 women of color.
That’s not just a leadership problem.
It’s a visibility problem.
When fewer women make it into positions where other women can see them leading, building, deciding, negotiating, and succeeding, there are fewer visible examples of what that path can look like.
And there’s another piece of the puzzle.
A 2025 SEC Office of the Advocate for Small Business Capital Formation report found that 27% of women entrepreneurs lacked mentorship, while 50% struggled to find help starting their business.
So let’s talk about what happens when you stop waiting for someone else to be the example.
The Solution: Become the Example
Being the example you needed doesn’t mean pretending you’ve mastered everything.
It means allowing your experience to become useful to someone else.
Maybe you figured out how to start a business while working a full-time job.
Share what you learned.
Maybe you finally stopped undercharging for your expertise.
Talk about the mindset shift.
Maybe you learned how to set boundaries with difficult clients.
Explain what changed.
Maybe you completely changed direction after realizing the business you built wasn’t the business you wanted anymore.
Tell that story.
Maybe you’re still figuring it out.
That’s okay too.
You don’t have to stand at the finish line to be useful to someone who’s five steps behind you.
Sometimes the most powerful example is the woman who can say:
“I don’t have all the answers, but I figured out the next step—and here’s what I learned.”
That’s relatable.
That’s human.
And that’s leadership.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Be an Example
This part is important because perfectionism loves to sneak into conversations about visibility.
You might think:
“Who am I to teach this?”
“I’m still figuring things out.”
“There are people who know more than me.”
“What if someone thinks I’m not qualified?”
Listen.
There will always be somebody who knows more than you.
And there will also always be somebody who knows less than you.
Your job isn’t to position yourself as the ultimate authority on everything.
Your job is to share what you actually know, have experienced, tested, learned, or overcome.
Pro Tip: That’s your lane.
And research supports the value of relatable role models, not just impossibly successful ones.
One study examining women and leadership found that women responded more positively to female role models with whom they could identify, rather than simply seeing someone at an elite level of success.
That’s a powerful distinction.
Because sometimes the woman with the million-dollar company isn’t the person someone needs to see.
Sometimes they need to see the woman who is building her first $10,000 month.
The woman who…
finally launched her website.
raised her prices.
left the job.
started over.
The woman who said, “I’m not doing it that way anymore.”
The woman who looks at her life and says:
“There’s more for me.”
Your Experience Is Part of Your Value
This is especially important for women who’ve been in business or working for decades.
You may look at your experience and think it’s ordinary because you’ve lived it for so long.
But what feels obvious to you may be completely new to someone else.
Your mistakes, lessons, pivots, and even your failures have value.
Your “I wish somebody had told me this sooner” moments have value.
And yes, even the things you had to learn the hard way can become part of someone else’s shortcut.
That’s one of the beautiful things about experience.
You don’t have to erase the messy parts to make the story valuable.
Sometimes the messy parts are the reason someone believes you.
Being the Example Doesn’t Mean Doing It Alone
There’s another misconception we need to kick to the curb.
Being the example doesn’t mean you have to become everybody’s mentor.
You don’t have to answer every DM or give away everything you know.
You don’t have to become the unpaid business therapist for your entire network.
Boundaries still apply.
You can inspire someone without carrying them.
Better yet, you can share your experience without taking responsibility for their results.
You can open the door without walking them through it.
And sometimes the best thing you can do is simply say:
“I figured this out. Here’s what worked for me.”
Then let them decide what to do with it.
The Ripple Effect
Think about the woman who influenced you.
Maybe she doesn’t even know she did.
Maybe it was a teacher.
A boss.
A friend.
A family member.
A business owner you followed online.
Maybe it was someone who simply walked into a room and took up space in a way you’d never seen a woman take up space before.
She showed you something.
She made something feel possible.
Now ask yourself:
What are you showing someone else?
Because whether you realize it or not, your business isn’t just about the product or service you’re selling.
Your visibility, boundaries, confidence sends a message.
Your willingness to start over, to admint you don’t know something, and to keep going sends a message.
Somebody may be watching you and thinking:
“If she can do it, maybe I can too.”
That doesn’t mean you have to perform perfection.
It means you have an opportunity to demonstrate possibility.
Here’s Your Challenge
This week, stop asking:
“Who am I to do this?”
Instead ask:
“Who might need to see someone do this?”
Then think about one thing you’ve learned that could help another woman move forward.
Share it.
Write about it.
Talk about it.
Teach it.
Demonstrate it.
Tell the story.
Not because you have everything figured out.
But because you know something now that you didn’t know before.
And somebody else may be standing exactly where you once stood.
You don’t have to be the perfect example.
You just have to be a real one.
Because sometimes the example you needed isn’t waiting for you somewhere out there.
Sometimes she’s becoming you.
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